Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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