My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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