I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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