You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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