I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
