Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
