As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we should paint friendship bongs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize