I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
