Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize