that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
