Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
