I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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