Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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