Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
