The maid of honor just puked.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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