do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
