Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
