I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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