I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
