If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
