this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
