I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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