If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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