my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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