O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
