dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
