$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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