He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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