i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
