Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
