Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
