i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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