Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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