By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
