How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
