Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
