It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
