hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
