My friends, they love my intelligence
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
