I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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