If i come over, it means nothing
Just fell off a train. Bad.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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