I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
