She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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