just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
