Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
