i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
