i barfeds in our rink
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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