Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
