you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
