what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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