before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
