Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
