i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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