The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
