Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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