your parents love me but you hate me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
