she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
