I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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