Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
