Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
