Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
