I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
