dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
