i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She even gives head with a lisp.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
