It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Randomize
