so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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