Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
